No one bothers to really blog on Tumblr anymore, but at this time of the year I like to get really nostalgic and look through my archives. I’ve had a tumblr since my freshman year, and can remember my thoughts whenever I posted some melodramatic rant about some insignificant high school revelation.
But here’s to 2012, and to reminiscing on by far the craziest year of my life so far… and of course it’s only the beginning.
I love everything about this place. I love the girls on my floor. I love the weather. I love NOT having to sit in a classroom for 6 hours straight. I love the weekends. I love the beach. I love the beautiful people. I seriously love everything.
96% on both my Fem and Dance midterm, so I’m rewarding myself by saying a big fat “Peace Out” to Santa Barbara this weekend. I’m not as pumped about my dance grade, because literally every answer on the midterm was “all of the above” and the two questions I missed were probably the ones were I didn’t choose that. But whatever, I’m proud that I just might not get on academic probation my first quarter here at UCSB. SUCK IT HATERSSSS.
As much as I love it here, I absolutely cannot wait to be in norcal this weekend. The culture and the overall vibe is just completely different from here, it’s home. Granted I am going to San Francisco, which in itself has a culture incomparable to anywhere else, but it’s still norcal and I won’t be burned at the stake for saying “hella”. I need a break from this place, because honestly, it’s never good to have too much of a good amazing thing. Aaaand it’s true, I’m burnt out. Recovering from Halloween and Midterms is just impossible to do, so thank you life for this three day weekend. Thank you for giving me a weekend to get my mind off the shit-show called my life here in SB. Thank you for giving me an escape in San Francisco.
Never thought I would need an escape from paradise, especially to a place completely opposite from my new home.
College dude. Wake up, class, eat, study, class, study, homework, eat, homework, lab, homework, sleep. And repeat till the weekend, and wait for havoc.
Ok. I’m leaving for Santa Barbara in 45 minutes. I haven’t changed out of my pj’s and I’m still sitting in bed. I thought I would be more excited, but honestly I’m freaking the fuck out. Mostly because I almost to forgot my pants, until I walked by a big ass bag and was like “what the hell is in here?” after we packed up the car… Like, what else am I going to forget?
I hate the night, because that’s when I miss you the most. I miss how being with you was the last thing I did before I went to bed. I miss talking to you about everything and nothing. I miss making fun of how white you are and I miss making you be the girl whenever we cuddled. I miss how you would annoy me. I miss how you could easily make me laugh. I miss how you could easily make me cry. I miss your nigga lips. I miss your perfect arms. I miss your stubby fingers, and I miss holding your hand. I miss driving around Elk Grove, only to end up back at my house. I miss watching Chopped with you until you had to go home. I miss how whenever you called me, you answered with “hello” and didn’t say anything afterwards. I miss answering the door and seeing you there. I miss having you make me CDs. I miss your “singing”. I miss your fake crying. I miss pinching your nose. I miss your beard! I miss your weird laugh. I miss our inside jokes. I miss getting boba with you. I miss trying new food with you. I miss getting mad at you for no reason. I miss how you would still stick around. I literally miss everything about you. I miss my best friend.
Holla at all the NorCal kids who are upset because we haven’t gotten our room assignments yet.
As much as I want to be in SB already, I’m going to miss all of the comforts of home. Lol, just kidding, going to college with my best friend is probably the best feeling ever. Especially since she’s off campus, so we won’t be the antisocial best friends.
My dad is easily the most ridiculous person I know. For the first time this summer, I spent the whole day at home. He told me how much he’s going to miss me, and it hit me how I’m actually lucky that I have this extra month.
Family is the biggest part of my life. I share everything with my Aunt and Mom, I want my cousins to look up to me, my brother and I are hella tight, and my Dad is the epitome of a supportive father. So to have the opportunity to spend this last month mostly with them is exactly what I need before I leave for college.
For the past ten years, I’ve basically been an only child since my brother left for college. So it was just the three of us in this big house. I remember how incredibly empty it felt when he left, so I can’t even imagine how it’s going to be when I leave. I mean, my dad has Holly now, but from 3-11 for 5 days a week he’s basically alone in this house. It makes me wish I spent more time at home, more time with my family, more time enjoying these comforts while it lasts.
My family shaped who I am. My mom and dad taught me to share what we have. My aunt taught me to be real, to not take any bullshit, to stay grounded, and to think before I act. My brother taught me to work hard and play hard. So I owe it to them to be the best person I can be.
Saying goodbye come September 23rd is going to be tough. But LOL that my mom, dad, grandma, aunt, uncle, their four kids, great aunt, and DOG, are all coming down to move-in weekend. For that, I’m a lucky girl. Assembly line bringing my stuff into my dorm.
I admit I WILL be homesick, and honestly one reason I wish I went to UCSC instead is because it’s only 3 hours from home… instead of 6 and a half. But it’s ok, that’s what facetime is for.
Having to say goodbye to my summer as I know it when Kyle left was hard, but here’s to tying together all of the loose ends in Elk Grove.
Wow, basically no financial aid for me. The main reason why I’m not going to private school like I’ve been dreaming of for the past three years. Holla at your girl who’s putting her parents in at least $100,000 debt.
I went dorm shopping today. In the middle of Ikea, my mom and I had a moment when it hit us that I was actually leaving. It was when I was buying silverware.
I know for a fact that I will bring wayyyyyy too much when I go down to SB, but my roommate is going to have to suck it up and let me take some of her closet space. I wish I was kidding. And I really wish that my roommate turns out normal, and we become bffs, and we braid each other’s hair, and we paint each other’s nails, and we go shopping together, and we pull back each other’s hair…
I feel as though this is appropriate considering I haven’t tumbl’d in forever.
I love how everything is going in my life so far.
Change is coming, and it’s near. But other than having to be separated from people I care about for an extended amount of time, I’m excited for what’s to come this fall. I know we are all going to where we belong.
At first, I was excited to go to college with my best friend. Then, I was apprehensive. Now, I couldn’t be happier. After orientation, I know my situation with Koshal is only going to make our relationship stronger. I mean, our friendship basically fell apart for two years during the most angsty part of our life, so it has to work through college… right?
Also, because most people don’t understand my relationship with my boyfriend, I may as well finally address it now. I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen, and to be honest I don’t exactly know what I want to happen. I just know that I am happy to the point where I shouldn’t be if I want this transition to be easy. Basically, I guess we just work. There’s not much to it other than that. This relationship started because of an impulse, because one night our subconcious just told us to go for it. Then for a couple of months, I denied the idea of a relationship despite the numerous dates we went on. I think I was ready to just accept the fact that I like this crazy fool when I realized he accepted me for who I already was… a crazy bitch who was terrified because she just got out of a long term relationship and didn’t really know what else she was capable of.
I was single for probably only four months over the past three years. And during those four months I had absolutely no intention whatsoever to have a boyfriend anytime soon. I guess that’s why I like Kyle so much, because somehow he convinced me that it was okay to move on. Somehow I was still able to figure more about myself and what I want from a relationship from being with him.
My point is, I would have never ever ever ever ever thought I would be dating Kyle. Well maybe in second grade when I had the fattest crush on him. But I’m glad I am. He’s taught me how to be a better girlfriend and how to manage my emotions while I’m on my period… but more like he comes over whenever I just need to cuddle.
I regret how I acted in my past relationship, and I’ve apologized. Not only to him, but to the two friendships that are most important to me. Have I found balance between my friendships and my relationship with my boyfriend, not quite. But I’m getting there.
A year ago I wouldn’t have expected to be going out with my first crush, to be going to UCSB, to be going there with my best friend, or to be free from the anxiety and worry that desperately dragged me down. But here I am, completely content yet excited for what is to come.
I’m done with people being judgemental, hypocritical, self-righteous fools who are complete douchebags unwilling to put their undeserved egos aside in order to understand others. Or simply, I’m done with people I shouldn’t really care about.